Likely apochryphal, definitely funny

From my buddy Chris:

In Florida, an atheist created a case against the Easter & Passover Holy
Days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against
Christians and Jews on the observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized day.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate
presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case
dismissed."

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your Honor,
how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and other Holidays. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur & Hanukkah. Yet my client & all other atheists have no such Holidays."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But they do, counsel, your
client is woefully ignorant."

The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we're unaware of any special observance or
Holiday for atheists."

The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is 'April Fools' Day.' Psalm
14:1 states 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.'

Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no
God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is
adjourned."

Funny and depressing all at the same time...

Click the photo for a larger image if you can't read the fine print.

And for the record I drive a Volkswagen, not a Subaru.

Rules of a Gun Fight

1. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.
2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap - life is expensive.
3. Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough or using cover correctly.
5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.
7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.
9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun. Use a gun that works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an Angel blows the powder from the flintlock of your musket."
10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
11. Always cheat, always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. Have a plan.
13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
14. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
15. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
16. Don't drop your guard.
17. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.
18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them.)
19. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.
21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
22. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
23. Your number one option for personal security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.
24. Do not attend a gun fight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with anything smaller than "4".
25. You can't miss fast enough to win.

It was only a matter of time

From breitbart.com:

MARION, Ala. (AP) - A small central Alabama county whose mainly black residents gave Barack Obama more than 70 percent of the vote on Election Day has created an annual holiday in honor of the president-elect.

I wonder if we'll wait until after he's out of office before this goes national. Probably not.

The sponsoring commissioner, Albert Turner Jr., said the holiday is meant to highlight the Democratic president-elect's victory as a way to give people faith that difficult goals can be achieved.

What goal is that? The goal of getting elected president as an avowed Marxist in a supposedly capitalistic country? I'll admit that is impressive.

Turner said copies of the resolution, adopted at a Nov. 25 meeting, have been mailed to Obama and his transition team.

Laying the groundwork for a Perry County bailout most likely.

We can always hope...

Iowahawk comes up with what I think would be a best case scenario.

Hillary to Accept SecState Nomination

According to the Guardian, Monica Lewinski's boyfriend's wife is poised to become the next SecState. This is the best news I've heard since the election. For one thing, it will provide me with no end of amusement as she shoves her foot in her mouth and her head in her...well, you know, on a regular basis on a very grand stage. After all, if we're going down we might as well do so spectacularly. For another thing, it virtually guarantees that she will have no shot whatsoever at ever becoming President, since she would have to run with the baggage of her tenure at SecState and the spectacular failures that are sure to ensue once she takes the position. Finally, she won't be in the Senate pushing through socialist and treasonous legislation any more. Granted, it's a small consolation given the dark days that are sure to lie ahead of us, but I take my silver linings where I can get them.

Hukd un fonix...

People often ask me why I think democracy is a bad idea (I favor a republic over a democracy, if you don't know the difference you'll be addressed in the next sentence) . When I tell them it's because the vast majority of Americans are to ignorant to be voting they look at me as if I have just uttered a racial epitaph or worse. Behold, my point is eloquently made in this news article.

A taste:

Some people collect sports memorabilia, or rare coins, or sea shells from the beach at Ocean City. Wilson Watson collects sentences. He taught local community college students for 35 years and has now slipped gently into retirement. But his students’ sentences trail behind him like ship’s anchors, evidence of the sinking of American writing skills.

Or, as one of Watson’s scholars wrote so succinctly: “Some people use bad language and is not even aware of the fact.”

Or, another: “It’s good I’m doing something with my self; Therefore, I can do better in the foochure.”

Or, “People who murder a lot of people are called masked
murderers.”

There's more if you follow the link, just bear in mind that these are high school grads. Puts the whole "get out the youth vote" thing in perspective, doesn't it?

Sounds About Right to Me